The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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