its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
