stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
