Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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