You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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