My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
