How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
