Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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