I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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