We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
