I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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