I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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