I'm eating all of the evidence.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
