you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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