You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
