tell your sister to shave her snatch
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
