tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Welp...herpes.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
