before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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