im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
