If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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