Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
