I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
