so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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