Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
