i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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