You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
