It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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