I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
