I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
