i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize