Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
