new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
