Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
