Screwed.edu
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
