The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Randomize
