If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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