The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
