Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(845): View more from New York

Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo

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(845): Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo http://tfl.nu/oxyw

Replies (8) Good night (1209) Bad night (674)
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(830): View more from Texas

If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice

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(830): If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice http://tfl.nu/5b32

Replies (37) Good night (3885) Bad night (858)
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(716): View more from New York

And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.

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(716): And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself. http://tfl.nu/r0kt

Replies (19) Good night (887) Bad night (4003)
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(815): View more from Illinois

I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.

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(815): I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed. http://tfl.nu/hsgt

Replies (35) Good night (1848) Bad night (6809)
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(816): View more from Missouri

My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.

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(816): My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost. http://tfl.nu/27qj

Replies (8) Good night (3373) Bad night (1101)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.

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(402): In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes. http://tfl.nu/rvi7

Replies (11) Good night (1122) Bad night (4218)
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(828): View more from North Carolina

Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.

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(828): Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes. http://tfl.nu/k70t

Replies (9) Good night (1703) Bad night (1338)
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(360): View more from Washington

I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.

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(360): I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds. http://tfl.nu/g0ca

Replies (6) Good night (1525) Bad night (623)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.

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(570): Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied. http://tfl.nu/2f2b

Replies (12) Good night (2671) Bad night (685)
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(607): View more from New York

I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.

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(607): I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts. http://tfl.nu/406u

Replies (4) Good night (657) Bad night (841)
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(410): View more from Maryland

IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS

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(410): IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS http://tfl.nu/c2np

Replies (10) Good night (1048) Bad night (536)
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(647): View more from Ontario

didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?

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(647): didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail? http://tfl.nu/zlp7

Replies (11) Good night (485) Bad night (1019)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.

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(651): We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it. http://tfl.nu/ubme

Replies (5) Good night (1506) Bad night (387)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.

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(401): Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired. http://tfl.nu/40ai

Replies (2) Good night (525) Bad night (298)
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(760): View more from California

I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.

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(760): I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night. http://tfl.nu/o107

Replies (4) Good night (589) Bad night (316)

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