Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.