Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
