We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.