I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
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He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
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I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover