I wish I could teleport
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
