sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
and you fell through a lawn chair
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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