dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
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