Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
