its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
