real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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