Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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