WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
