OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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