I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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