come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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