im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
