Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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