it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
