I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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