In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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