Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
