it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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