Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
