I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
