He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
